I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
