NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
