I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
