Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
