I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
