It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
