Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
