Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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