I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
