Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
