Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
As shirtless as possible
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
