I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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