Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
