yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
