We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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