I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
