2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
