do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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