I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
