Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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