chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
sex in a hospital.. check
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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