the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
