My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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