Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
