I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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