Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I have post one night stand depression
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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