i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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