Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Acid is not a monday night drug
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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