You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
