after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
