so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
