He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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