and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
