I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
