I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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