You smell like stripper and shame
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
