He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
