Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
