When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
did i just pee glitter
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
