I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
