Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
