The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
