I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
