dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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