I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
