yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
