Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
