Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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