i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
