When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
