i used baking grease as lip gloss
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
